With the change of seasons brings another Change. We have made the timeline for our move to France more “official,” after a lot of discussion and prayer.
We will be, Lord willing, moving to France in February. There are so many layers of thoughts in my mind, but I’m not certain yet which ones to share and which ones to leave sacred for my family. It’s hard for me as an adult to process Excitement, Fear, Dread, Sadness, Ebullience, Wistfulness, Melancholy, Irritability, Happiness, Relief, and Sentimentality, to name a few. Especially when they’re all layered in the most complex ways. And then the kids each have their own mixed salad of emotions, and I’m never sure which is going to hit me at which time. Basically, we’re a big ball of feels over here. And that’s okay.
Feelings are a gift from God. We’ve decided to be proactive and help one of our kids to process feelings about this big life change (and some other things) with the help of an intensive therapy program. It’s been an exhausting and emotional time for us, and we are so out of our cozy and predictable routine with a lot of appointments and meetings, but we’re happy to be able to provide that child with the resources that are needed for this time.
One of the bits of advice that I’m most grateful for is from our old social worker. She spoke to me before we had any kids at all and said “I know you process things by writing. And that’s healthy. But I’d advise you not to write out all of your feelings for the whole world to see and judge in your most tender times, especially right after your kiddo comes home. Journal it. And if you need to, burn the journals six months later. But you don’t need to invite the world into your place of pain.”
And her advice has served me well for the last eight years. It helps me to put up healthy boundaries that I wouldn’t have naturally placed.
Has it made me a popular blogger? Emphatically no. But it’s also saved me the turmoil of heated comment debates and judgemental comments from complete strangers. And it’s saved me a lot of shame over “Should I have felt that way? Should I have voiced that? Were my feelings coming from a place of honesty or a place of hurt or feelings of inadequacy?”
As a result, my physical journal is getting fuller, and this online place is getting less attention. I don’t know what this space will look like in the future. But I do know that I am grateful to be here. Grateful that you’re here with me on the journey.
What would you like to hear about our lives right now or in the future? As I said, we’re a bit out of rhythm with the changes taking place, but I do love to hear from you!