Many of you reading this will remember a time in my life two years ago, when Million was stuck in the international adoption system…before getting stuck in the system again. I was tired of hearing “not today” nearly every week day, repeatedly, for months.

Million had had many health struggles, and it was tough to see many of my adoption friends bringing their children home with seemingly few snags in the process.

I went back today and read through some of my old adoption blog posts from that time in my life, and felt this one from two years ago on April 25th, to be appropriate today…for other reasons in my life.  Please don’t mind my repost.

I wore some very impractical heels today.
Just thought I’d let you all know.
They, along with a pair of pearls, will help keep everyone at a work conference I attended from realizing that my pants do not conform to the dress code regulations. I have buttons on my pockets. Heavens. To. Betsy.

Open and honest moment for Christians here: This week, my struggle is to choose to quietly trust. To trust that God’s timing in this whole ordeal is good. His word says that He is good and all His actions are good. If I disbelieve God and allow myself to run amuck into a panic (which could very easily happen), I’m making God out to be a liar. And willfully choosing not to trust in Him or His word.

And if I’m being even more open and honest, I can understand that God’s timing is good towards me. But I have a harder time seeing His timing toward our son as being good. How can remaining in (even “high quality”) institutionalized care be “good”? What I need to remember is that because I serve a sovereign God, the one whom I worshiped this past Sunday, my sovereign God does not need to work His plan around what I think would be best for my son. Yes, He loves my son even more than I ever will or could. But that does not mean that He will arrange the events of our lives to coincide perfectly with what human minds believe is “good.” Because human minds cannot grasp “good.” I think of when the man came up to Jesus and said “good teacher, la di dah di dah…” (paraphrasing completely), and Jesus said “Why do you call me good? Only God is good.”

My favorite Disney Movie is Sleeping Beauty. I love the attention to detail in the artwork. I love Tchaikovsky. I love the waltzes, the nature scenes. But what’s more I always loved the phrase “quietly reposed” that described how Sleeping Beauty fell into her spell.

I must be quietly reposed in my trust of God. So there it is. The blatant and honest choice that I have to make. I have to choose to defy panic. I have to choose to trust that God is who He says He is and that He can do what He says that He can do. I have to trust that His actions are not only good towards me, but good towards my son. I must surrender all of my will to control the situation.

And it’s tough. Oh so tough.


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